What is wrong with me???
Dearest Orangey_5,
*sigh* sorry to start off my entry with that. well im basically tired. well... wad happened today? well basically i was stoning the whole day i can say. well not really. it started since my first lecture. the end of the lecture, there is this other prof who came in and were telling us about year 4 coursework. well basically its a whole year of experiments, projects.. well the thing that was scariee was when she mention getting a Masters. well didnt bother me cz i tot wad. cz she said something like 'if y'all want to come back after a year and do your masters you can bla bla bla' but then she ended off with 'anyways moe wants at least a Masters degree for all teachers.' so i was like' you gotta be kidding' then i started the stoning thing cz in my mind i was already thinking abt wad im currently facing.
(OMG rite now im so pissed cz i've been ttrying to access my school library acc and i just cant. tried all the possible passwords..WHAT IS IT??) (k ive finally managed to enter. wrong number.. shd have been my matric no and my ic but then i use my personal user id and password)
man today i was ticked off quite a number of times oso. but i just kept so so quiet. my friend being herself la.. the usual her but then i cudden take her today i wanted to say 'SHUT UP' you know.. but then i didnt do tt. of cz la i just studied for 3 hours then i was fine. but then i had like 4 hrs break so by 230 i was damn bored. my friends all had meeting so i was left alone. they left all their stuffs with me so im left with no choice but to stay in the library which was so so freezing. well i forgot my beloved sweater. haiz that was another thing i was again angry with myself. if i had remembered to take my sweater i would feel alot better. all the venues were like being in antartica.. man...why cant they just control the temperature. well sorry to the ppl i disturbed today. i was bored.
when one of my friends came back i was feeling a little better. but i was still stoning. i duno.. the stoning period is here again. i guess im just mentally tired. my friends kept asking me if i was ok. well i am but mentally im not la. not that im insane or something but i dont think i can handle the overwhelming school work. is it my fault? but why so my seniors say that life is so slack in uni? i mean 'HELLO? Are you sure?' i mean seriously. its harder than i tot. i mean with the assignments and individual essays and project work and EXAM!! my goodness... its too much to handle fo rme.. is it because i wasnt consistent? is it because i didnt plan my time well? or is it because my programme is a new one so its understandable that my seniors find their programme easier? is it a sign that i should drop one academic subject? is it a sign that uni is just not for me? maybe JC is the limit... why cant i just understand chemistry when it should be my favourite subject? why is biology so fun? is it a sign that i should change my major subject? or should i just call a quit? but i cant.. quitting means paying back moe wad they have sponsored me so far.. am i screwed? i still have time rite?
i just have been doing too much research and at the end of the day i dun noe wad my research is for. i have so little time... im done with research.. but i want to do well... i cant feel my head rite now.. its been like this since a few weeks ago.. are you stoning to hid? i duno... my mum kinda noticed that i was stoning... but she tot its because im not eating enuff for sahur. she says i look weak.. im not weak.. im just stressed.. mind occupied with school.. with someone i truly miss... with myself... i duno if i can make it thru for 4 years.. i see myself now and three and a half years later.. will i be graduating happily.. with my convocation gown and mortarboard thrown in the air? with my nie friends and me taking pics together enjoying the last moments together til we start our bond..?? Or will i somewhere else.. degree not completed.... nothing to be happy abt... being treated for some mental illness... will i? will i?? i duno... i want to do this.. i really want to.. i love this thing... i mean i really want to be a chemistry teacher!!! Miss Fina or wadever they want to call me... hahah... YEAH!! so im going to WORK for it!!! im going to be happily graduating at the end of 4 years... not the other scenario.. i WILL MAKE IT THRU!!! I WILL!!!!!
Feeling much much better..
Thanks Orangey dudes and dudettes.....
Khilfina
Dearest Orangey_5,
*sigh* sorry to start off my entry with that. well im basically tired. well... wad happened today? well basically i was stoning the whole day i can say. well not really. it started since my first lecture. the end of the lecture, there is this other prof who came in and were telling us about year 4 coursework. well basically its a whole year of experiments, projects.. well the thing that was scariee was when she mention getting a Masters. well didnt bother me cz i tot wad. cz she said something like 'if y'all want to come back after a year and do your masters you can bla bla bla' but then she ended off with 'anyways moe wants at least a Masters degree for all teachers.' so i was like' you gotta be kidding' then i started the stoning thing cz in my mind i was already thinking abt wad im currently facing.
(OMG rite now im so pissed cz i've been ttrying to access my school library acc and i just cant. tried all the possible passwords..WHAT IS IT??) (k ive finally managed to enter. wrong number.. shd have been my matric no and my ic but then i use my personal user id and password)
man today i was ticked off quite a number of times oso. but i just kept so so quiet. my friend being herself la.. the usual her but then i cudden take her today i wanted to say 'SHUT UP' you know.. but then i didnt do tt. of cz la i just studied for 3 hours then i was fine. but then i had like 4 hrs break so by 230 i was damn bored. my friends all had meeting so i was left alone. they left all their stuffs with me so im left with no choice but to stay in the library which was so so freezing. well i forgot my beloved sweater. haiz that was another thing i was again angry with myself. if i had remembered to take my sweater i would feel alot better. all the venues were like being in antartica.. man...why cant they just control the temperature. well sorry to the ppl i disturbed today. i was bored.
when one of my friends came back i was feeling a little better. but i was still stoning. i duno.. the stoning period is here again. i guess im just mentally tired. my friends kept asking me if i was ok. well i am but mentally im not la. not that im insane or something but i dont think i can handle the overwhelming school work. is it my fault? but why so my seniors say that life is so slack in uni? i mean 'HELLO? Are you sure?' i mean seriously. its harder than i tot. i mean with the assignments and individual essays and project work and EXAM!! my goodness... its too much to handle fo rme.. is it because i wasnt consistent? is it because i didnt plan my time well? or is it because my programme is a new one so its understandable that my seniors find their programme easier? is it a sign that i should drop one academic subject? is it a sign that uni is just not for me? maybe JC is the limit... why cant i just understand chemistry when it should be my favourite subject? why is biology so fun? is it a sign that i should change my major subject? or should i just call a quit? but i cant.. quitting means paying back moe wad they have sponsored me so far.. am i screwed? i still have time rite?
i just have been doing too much research and at the end of the day i dun noe wad my research is for. i have so little time... im done with research.. but i want to do well... i cant feel my head rite now.. its been like this since a few weeks ago.. are you stoning to hid? i duno... my mum kinda noticed that i was stoning... but she tot its because im not eating enuff for sahur. she says i look weak.. im not weak.. im just stressed.. mind occupied with school.. with someone i truly miss... with myself... i duno if i can make it thru for 4 years.. i see myself now and three and a half years later.. will i be graduating happily.. with my convocation gown and mortarboard thrown in the air? with my nie friends and me taking pics together enjoying the last moments together til we start our bond..?? Or will i somewhere else.. degree not completed.... nothing to be happy abt... being treated for some mental illness... will i? will i?? i duno... i want to do this.. i really want to.. i love this thing... i mean i really want to be a chemistry teacher!!! Miss Fina or wadever they want to call me... hahah... YEAH!! so im going to WORK for it!!! im going to be happily graduating at the end of 4 years... not the other scenario.. i WILL MAKE IT THRU!!! I WILL!!!!!
Feeling much much better..
Thanks Orangey dudes and dudettes.....
Khilfina
Voicing Out @ 7:43 PM
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