!Challenges!

Aiz..I dont Know why GOD is testing me right now. First it was the kitchen tiles. It was bad enough now coz I do not have a MUM who stay at home 24 hrs a day and that turned out my dad have to apply for LEAVE from work which we may not know whether approve or not. And that we have to live with that condition of the kitchen till end of CHINESE NEW YEAR with the bloody reason given that contractors busy with chinese new year! WHAT THE HECK! If by 1st week of Feb they still do not fix it, I will personally call STRAIT TIME and complained to them lor. What so difficult about it? Then the HDB people will do something about it! Unreasonable people I can say! And thanks to that, I dont know WHAT will happen if dad cant get his LEAVE and who will stay at home for the contractors to do their work.. Confirm dad will ask me to do it coz he knows I can so-called do my work at home. BUT i dont think I wana bring this whole thing up coz to many of them in the group.. IT IS EXCUSES! So I just keep quiet abt it for now. Sick of some people attitudes on things..

Second challenge.. Brother is sick again and this time polyclinic send him for blood test and whatever other tests now! Just a fever that wont go away and now all this follow up. ONCE AGAIN- WE DO NOT HAVE A MUM. SO who is next on line to be there emotionally for him now? ME! Aiz.. I wish I can just cut myself into pieces and be there for everything at home now. I feel sad out of the sudden. I know things will be different if I have a MUM. If WE have a MUM! She can accompany my brother to the doctor instead of me doing all this or staying at home with a no need for my dad to apply for LEAVE to stay home to let the contractors do their work. Aiz.. Brother was given 6 medicines in one go! That is ALOT for just a pro-longed fever! God, Please let this be short and make him well again will you?! I cant stop worrying if one of my family members is sick. I wont have a peace of mind at all. I worry all the time.
Now brother asked me to company him tml. I guess I tag along. 7+ AM I have to be awake and ready to accompany him to the polyclinic then rush to the school to do FYP..my DATABASE! Den rushed home to change clothes to go for my STAR workshop at Toa Payoh where I have to sit for a TEST which I have yet to study and I need to get 80% and above to pass the test! Aiz! Im so being patience right now with my life! Why GOD gives me all this challenges in one GO? Why test me again and again? And I do not mind if it is physically BUT emotionally?! To be there for brother, to sacrifice for my dad work.. I wana break down and cry alone..
I wish people around me UNDERSTAND me better or DO NOT THINK ALL OF IT AS EXCUSES! I wish they can switch their place with me.

It is better without a dad compare to a mum eventhough both situations are bad and heart breaking enough but seriously, with a mum around ur food and clothes and welfare are taken care of, with dad.. some things are just limited and you being THE ONLY female in the family, my brother will tend to come to me for it..for emotional turnover. Aiz! I feel bad when I cant be there for him when he needs me the most! Now that I called SUCKY! I do not care if people think I M full of excuses right now. . I switched myself to self-centered mode for now! I care only and only for myself and for the people whom I LOVE..

I do not care what others think. If they want to point fingers at me, go ahead but think again.. When you all are having fun from the start, who actually started getting things moving. Who started doing report eventhough it is full of grammers mistake or who did the powerpoint who is also full of grammars mistakes..at least i see there is thing there eventhough no one bother to edit what I did. I just cant be bother anymore. I want to do all I can and I will pray hard to GOD, please let me move on with my LIFE! I need the patience, strength and willingness from YOU to make me a stronger human to face all your challenges!

I just want to calm down . . . I just dont want to explode to anyone coz I have my OWN PERSONAL problems.. I will keep my mouth shut so I wont affect anyone mood to do their own part of the projects and I can ensure everyone, I will not talk unless it is neccessary!

K..I just want to rant my heart out in here okie. My FYP group ESPECIALLY the leader is turning me off. And yeah..3 more weeks to the dateline and i dun see the product being combined and working.. Im so dead! I want to finish my database asap!

Love..

IMA