. . .Searchin Myself!

. . .Searchin Myself!


I was readin one of the four novels. Den suddenly i came across TALKIN. Do you guys know wat is dat. . . I decided to type it in here. Just as a reminder to all of us about one thing. . . Certain things. . .




Wahai _______ , Sekarang engkau sudah berada di alam barzakh. Yakni alam perantaraan antara dunia dan akhirat. Makan akan datanglah kepada kamu dua malaikat MUNGKAR dan NANGKIR.


Jangan lah engkau terkejut dan gentar kerana sesunggunya mereka jua makhluk ALLAH seperti kamu. Dan ketika ditanya kepada kamu. . .


Siapa Tuhanmu. . .
Siapa Nabimu. . .
Apa Agamamu. . .
Apa Kiblatmu. . .
Apa pemimpinmu. . . dan
Siapa saudara-saudaramu


Maka jawablah dengan tegas dan jelas dan jawablah dengan penuh keyakinan;


ALLAH TUHANku
Muhammad Nabiku
Islam Agamaku
KAABAH Kiblatku
Al-Quran pemimpinku dan
Kaum muslimin muslimat, mukminin dan mukminat adalah saudara saudaraku.






Does this sound familiar to you? When i read it juz now in the novel, this cold creeps ran down my spine. Aiz. . . And flashback occurred when I saw my mum being put into the ground, being covered by soil, not with cangkul but bulldozer. How evil can dey be? This is the modernization of things and to treat the body with no feeling anymore. No more soul. Aiz. . . And eventhough i was far behind, i was like 20 steps behind all of them, the mens, but i heard the TALKIN very clearly when the IMAN read it out loud. Even though i was deep in tears and sobs with my kak long beside me holding me, i still HEAR what the IMAN read to my mum and the rest to remember of our solely duties on Earth.


And at time my brother was in pri 5 or 6? Still a pampered boy. I just got this flashback again on the first nite when i saw him sleeping on the bed with the bantal bucuk of my late mum. I duno why i cried too. The picture is too painful to see him like that. He didnt cry you know when my mum was being buried. He was a strong boy. But I know among the three of us, dad, bro and me. . . he is the most being affected. Coz he is mum favourite and pampered boy to be with. But he is strong.


Another one was my grandfather. This one anader one. Aiz. . When he was so sick, he always looked for me. There were one or two time he called me *MAK LANG*, a name he always called to my mum when she was still alived. And i remembered clearly one moment when i was with him in NUH ICU, i was with him only in the room and he opened his eyes and looked deep in me. . . i was like holding his hand and smiling at him, but only GOD knows how awful i felt.


And the next thing he said to me was. . . .
'Rahimah. . . Mama kat sebelah kau ni. . .'
You guys can imagined my reaction, the room was oredi so cold and when he said dat, all the coldness ran in my blood veins and heart. Den being the bold me, i asked him. . .
'Eh tuk? Sekarang ni mama ngah berdiri sebelah Rahimah eh?'
And he nodded his head and keep looking directly beside me. . .


If Im ira or whoever else is pengecut, i think i might have run out of the room oredi due to feeling scared or call my aunty to come in. But i just stand there with him and his so-called my mum. I can still recall how silence we all ar . . in tat room. Coz i believe that those who dah nazak, will see those who have passed on before them. I really believed in that. And I felt enlightened when my grandfather told me that. I didnt run away from him. I held his hand tighter and just told him to read his prayers.


Hari Raya Haji. . . i still remembered when i salam him in his room, just the two of us alone, AGAIN!. . . i noe. . . Im brave. He was still sick, very uzur and just came out from ICU. I salam and kissed his hand and forehead and after i kissed his forehead, he said to me, TERIMA KASIH.


For a moment i looked at him puzzled but i didnt tink much. It was his first and last thank you to me guys! Aiz. . .He managed to witness my kak long wedding, he wanted to do so. Dat was his last family events. I was pretty close with him when he started falling sick. I was dat grandchild of his dat ran to the best NASI LEMAK shop to get his nasi lemak EVERY MORNING! He loves Nasi Lemak. I still remembereed how he expect me to suap him till finished and being watched by grandma.


Once again i saw the repeat moment of him being buried, this time i was so strong, i was really near the whole thing. Once again this YOUNG IMAN and a HANDSOME IMAN read out the TALKIN to all of us, it brought me tears. . . but i didnt cry till can die one. I was strong. Really strong coz I have been through this before. But i was sad on how he left without saying good bye to me. How my uncle break me the news on the early morning saying my atuk has pass away. He expect me to be strong before he break the news. WHEN he said that, i knew it was coming and i was ready.


TALKIN. . . Meremang bulu roma Rahimah bila membaca nya sekali lagi dan teringat detik detik pengebumian arwah mama dan atuk ku. My mum and grandfather time has already came at its own pace and time. I wonder when will be mine?


Tonight?Tomorrow?The next day? Its scary but never fear death coz it will come to you no matter how you try to run away from it.