There is a reason why certain things happen in your life. There is a reason for everything. I this post, I shall try to analyze. I don't know if that is good or bad but I just had a discussion about reasons with someone. Hikmah, rather.
Reason why:-
--> I take philo is because I have a funny obsession to reason things out.
--> I meet Ima is because you have certain qualities that I don't so you expose me to them,in a sense.
--> I meet Fina is because God is kind and he doesn't want me to be alone.
--> I meet Ham is because I needed more guys in my social clique or rather I need to be exposed to men (?) and you're a good start. Hehe...
--> Raii? Hmm...have yet to see. :) More exposure? Haha...
--> I felt intimidated by someone else getting an A+ is because I'm getting too slack and too high head. I get moments where I'll feel on top of the world but then I'll get pulled back down to reality so I know that my journey is not over. Yet. It's just like being a malay in S'pore. Everytime we accomplish something, they'll find something that we're still lagging in or not good enough then we'll realize that we have to work even harder. This is what meritocracy does to you.
--> this point is what I really want to say actually. There's a reason why I met Nurul aka Labu from now on. Either Labu or mambang, ok. well...I think there's a reason to it. Labu ada ramai kenalan lelaki. Boleh tahan. Haha...well...kalau korang pandai korang fahamlah apa maksud aku. And another thing, Labu nampak je slack. Tapi orangnya pandai. Orangnya yang jenis mempertingkatkan diri pada setiap langkah. Tak bermaksud seseorang yang score lebih time PSLE,kat menara gading dia akan terus score lebih. Faham? Tak faham? Tak apa. Aku memang suka buat orang keliru. The more people don't understand me, the more I like it.
Ok...itu sahaja buat kali ini...malam ini ku akan berjaga sehingga entah jam berapa...esok cuti umum tetapi ku akan kembali ke sekolah kerana aku harus membuat rehearsal...haha...
--> Apakah ini haluan hidupku? <--

How Smart Are You?

The higher I go, the more inferior I feel. Maybe it's my ego. Or maybe I'm used to being labelled 'smart'. End result, I freak out...of course, undeniably there are people smarter than me. But...why does it make me feel so...small...actually no...it just made me scared and freaked out. Like...can I ever be good enough? I'm not putting anyone down...but maybe this is the path of life I have to take. Everytime I go higher, I am exposed to more smart people. Then I'll realize that I'm not so smart afterall. Ok. Fact of life, right? Accept it for what it is. Don't be skeptical. Well...being around people who score A's...it's pretty intimidating...if I get a C or D for the second philo paper, I'm pretty much going to be in a depressed mode. Damn...

=>only one person takes philo here<=

=<

Schooling.

Im starting school tomorrow.

Currently watching SCENARIO!

Laughing my guts out right now.

Haha. . .

I have yet to pack my school bag.

I need to buy writing pad and some new blue/black pens.

Most important, I need to find my brain

that I didnt know where I have threw it to..

Is it in one of my drawers?

Is it thrown into the back of my wadrobe?

Is it still up in my head now?

F.inal Y.ear P.roject!

And it is all about coding a program.

I better not slack and you guys must remind me now and den.

Coz I only haf to do tat without taking any modules.

I wanted to take up language!

I actually thought of taking chinese language

BUT

*sigh*

~why is there owes BUT in life?~

The modules need 2 semester to complete.

I only got left one more semester.

So I got to throw away the idea of taking language class.

Maybe I wana do some secretarial course outside.

That is why I wana save money, Hid and Fina!

I want to do something or this 6 mths going to go to a waste.

Im checkin out on short hand writting and typing course.

I wana get certificate, so easier to get work somehow related to office.

Im starting school tomolo, but Im not bringin my lappy.

What was the name of my lappy?

I forget about it. Now you see. . .

no point in me naming my things

I will forget all about it somehow.

I hope I will be dismissed early tomolo coz

I wana go home and do more housekeeping.

Many things still not done but Hari Raya is around the corner

And hid, thanks for the greeting card.

I do not have one for u now..

But I wish you SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

DARI HUJUNG RAMBUT HINGGA HUJUNG KAKI

HOPE WE ALL HAPPY HAPPY during this festival okie?

Ima excited. . . tomolo going back to school

p.s: I hope my friends will be nicer to me somehow

Cleaning.

Been doing all the things needed to get done. In the morning, I asked the help of my dear to accompany me to BPP NTUC to buy our F&N drinks. I bought 3 carton, orange..zappel..sarsi! And I waited for him to come with his car to pick me up at the taxi stand. While waiting, I noticed this married chinese couple. The wife has a trolley fulled of groceries she bought. The thingy that really made me feel upset about was how ungentle the husband can be. He waited at the driver seat, never come out and help the wife put the groceries into the car boot or into the car. He just sit there and just look at his wife. WTH! Stupid MAN!

Then, I wondered will Fz do the same to me later on when he got his car in front of me. Im so happy coz he did not. He came out from his seat and help me put the drinks into his car boot! Im so glad. I dont know why. The feeling is so nice. Well, I believe at least he is better off than that stupid man who did not help his wife at all. So, you all can imagine my smiley face. He parked his car and helped me and my brother carried it right to my door step. And also met my dad also. Ahakz! I think it was an awkward moment of meeting between them. But it is nice somehow.

Then, he drove me to ira home to pass money and I got to know that Ira mother want to see how Fz look like but nvm got the chance. Maybe next time okie aunty. Ahakz! So, today basically I thank YOU Fz for helping me with it. If not for him, all this wont get done. And if i wait for my dad, it will all be last minute. Love my dear. . . Without him, I will be damn tired by now.

Then, I rest for awhile and then I started cleaning my home. From the window to the ceiling fan and to the curtains and mirrors and table in the home. Now taking a break, later on doing more cleaning. See how lor.

Had a nice day with dear.. .. Love You hubby!

hello you sucker buggers in orange.
ok...so...i seem to forget what i wanna say.let me see...
yes i remember already.
LISTEN UP Y'ALL!tentative date for jalan raye o5:12 nov 2005.project jalan raye 05 will insyaAllah run smoothly on 12 nov 05, approximately 12 pm. tentative times. ok that sounds nice.12 nov, 12 pm.and perhaps for the first time ever,we're only going to 5 houses.and here's my plan. raqiibto's house --> hidato's house --> imato's house --> finato's house --> hamidito's house --> LEPAK. haha...
amacam?we're seriously gonna lepak. raii's hse from 12 to 1...make way to my hse abt 20/30 mins...reach abt 1.30 or so...lepak until 2.30...go ima's hse reach abt 3...then at 4 go fina's hse...sampai abt 4.20 or so...then lepak until 5.30...then go ham's hse...reach at 6...lepas maghrib,7 pm cabut...then go DINNER!!!haha...this is just a tentative plan...yupz...
ok...what else...fin the train ride back was fun eh?woohoo!haha...ham and raii,cun wait to see y'all fully dressed.haha!!!which reminds me.
this year got theme.girls --> PINK. funny right...mine is not even pink...more like purple...and fina's one is pastel pink...light pink...what's yours ima?nvm...so at least we're different...last year brown this year we do it differently.and once again the crazy genious are me and fina.woohoo!ok then...guys...y'all know already,it's BLUE. stereotype kan?but nvm...we all just happen to have these colours...so...yes...ima u weren't there.here's a rule.i never make a rule but this is for fun.because i LONG to see my guy friends BERLAWA di hari raya.so the guys are going to come COMPLETE with the songkok and samping!!i am soooo excited!!!!we soooo have to take pictures!!!!ok...so then...ima...fina...hid...what happens to us???the guys are soooo going to complain...so i said,the ultimate thing is that,this year,kita try melayu.lawa lawa melayu.glam wham kapoom!i know i know...u're prob going we always do that every year...whats the diff kan?try to think of it this way.this year,we try to make raya our best dressed moments.amacam?the melayu kinda refer more to the men who has the option of wearing shirts and slacks.not us who will wear baju kurung.so yeah.here's the deal.the guys will wear that.us girls,camne eh...sometimes i get confused by my own suggestions...so...ok the diff thing is that im coming with a shawl this year.dunno how im gonna dress but yeah...i bought it so im using it...and i'll wear heels altho i dunno how long i can tahan with heels.honestly...fina ima....pandai-pandai korang eh?janji GLAM.haha!!!!
ok enough abt the tentative raya plan...ham u shld haf gotten pink...not to say the blue is not nice coz it is.but then,if u wear pink then raii the only one wear blue.but i got blue.but then it will just look funny so we'll stick to the stereotypical one.haha!!im just saying this for ima's sake.hammy got blue!!!from 2nd chance!!!wah...but the place so sesak man...AND WE DIDNT GET WAFFLE HOTDOGS!!!!!and the otak2 not so nice...crap man...i realize right,the food that i bought takde yang i really like after eating them...yupz...
what else ah...noe wad just now i went to my gran's hse(the first in bulan ramadan!!!) and i wore my orange baju kurung bcz suddenly got mood.then my uncle was like why is she wearing so nice then my gran answered "ada orang masuk minang" CRAP!!!!MY GOD!!!!k sometimes my gran just try to be funny...but NOOOO....i mean please lah gran im still unattached.wakaka!!!!i think this is a hand me down genes thx to my mum.no offense to y'all but my mum said "orang kalau dah ada matair tu gatal" yeah well not ALL of course but the point is that my mum herself never got serious until she's older.ARGH!!!ok nvm...oh oh!!!and i think my bro is a flirt!!!haha!!!my sis said so...
ok...so....what else to say...oh im gonna make choc chip cookies...perhaps tmr...after work...damn...i feel hungry...nak cari makan ah...tata....

Selamat Hari Raya...

Kepada Hidayah, Rahimah, Raqiib dan Hamidi,

Assalamualaikum...Aper khabar? Sorry eh this year kad rayer a bit lain. so anggap lah ini sebagai kad rayer yer. Pasal masa tidak mengizinkan sebab itu terpaksa resort to internet untuk mengucapkan apa yang hendak diucapkan. harap dapat maafkan saya on that part la eh? especially to hidayah pasal you gave me a Hari Raya card. thanks dude. So ucapan proper..

Selamat Hari Rayer kepada Orangey-Orangey.. Harap harap pada saat ini semua bende untuk Hari Raya sudah siap sedia.. dah ready tinggal nak pakai je.. hehe.. siape bikin kuih rayer tahun ini? nak rasa k? pasal kat my house semua beli punyer. haha.. Ok.. Hrm minta maaf kepada Orangey-Orangey kalau ada salah silap..harap dimaafkan.. semua tu tak sengaja yer. gurauan saja.. MINTA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN... jangan ambil hati yer..

Nanti jemputla datang ke rumah yer.. tak sabar nak berayer bersama.. haha..this year nak kene mminta maaf with my mum pasal banyak bohong pat dier.. hahah.. ok..datanglah rumah yer.. kalau lepas rayer datang pun takpe.. sentiasa di-welcome.. Jumper lagi di Hari Rayer.. nanti taruk gambar rayer eh? hehehe... Selamat Hari Raya ku ucapkan kepada Orangey-Orangey yang kusayangi!

Sekian.

Khilfina.

Ring ring...Hello helloo..

hey peeps! aper khabar? lagi berape ari je dah rayer seh! haha today i go ambik my baju rayer at johor!. its PINK! and its NICE! then go buy accessories and kasut. ok so my rayer stuffs this year is all from johor! hahaha... minah malaysia! haha takla..its nice. i bot an aladdin like shoe. its pink too... hehe...then bot beads for my kurung. haha. then my mum beli kuih rayer banyak chocolate so better come early or else kite bedal!!! hahaha... k then ader kerepek! I LIKE KEREPEK..especially the ubi kentang one is it? i duno... they are all kentang related rite? hahha..then beli kuih and some stuffs for buka puasa and then balik. reach home abt 3pm. siang ar.. then my bro wanted pizza for buka so we ordered canadian pizza (sorry pizza hut workers) for buka.. I HADD TO PAY! hahaha... belanja.. so then rite now still got some more pizza i mite dig in for some MORE!!! i never say no to pizza.hahah... then today kemas kemas sikit.. my room especially seh.. yeah so its slightly better.. didnt do any studying today... tml i will study... today rest sikit. monday go school study.. tuesday meeting my childhood fren i gez..wed got test in the afternn! alamak ppl wana rayer hav to take test. thurs..HARI ROYO!!! fri back to school study.. thats my plan for this week.. hahha... k babes..AND dudes.. ahhaha lupa tadi ader lelaki pat sini...take care...lagi brape ari je... JIA YUO..hahha...

Fina

Shopping.

Shopping.


And so, We went shopping again. I mean me, my dad and my brother. We went to Harbourfront and guess what? My dad and brother had bought a 32 inch PLASMA TV! ! ! I was like going . . . Not AGAIN! I thought we just bought a new tv that is not even a year old! Aiz. . . And I made my dad bought a rice cooker and a new cordless phone. Do not ask me how much it all cost! DO NOT ASK! Aiyoo oo oo. . .


From there, we left it at the customer service and headed to Geylang and we bought 2 pair of baju kurung for my dad and brother. Instead of black, I decided they go for PINK. It is light pink. It is nice and sweet and soft. Too bad, at first my brother was like going, WEYYY. . . I do not want that colour and once I started scolding him and he just shut up. Ahakz! Im a bad sister! We bought food for break fast and drink. Met my cousin and his son. So cutey! I wish I could carry him up from the pram and gave him one cosy hug! So tempted!


After buying everything, no way Im going down to Geylang anymore! It is so crowded and stinky and HOT! Aiyo . . I almost fainted somehow! Ahakz! Dramatic seh! Then, after that catch a cab and headed back to harbourfront and collect our plasma tv and rice cooker and phone and headed back home.


Now, My room got tv. Coz initially My living room tv is moved to my dad and bro room and their small tv which is still NEW, is headed to my room and my last time tv is going to be thrown away soon. And now the living room is having a PLASMA TV! Cool yeah? I told my dad to hang it to the wall but dad did not agree to it coz need to drill in the screw and thingy into the wall and will put hole into the wall if next time want to put the tv on the tv stand lak. Ahakz! Cool huh?!

What happened to you guys? I thought you all went to Geylang? Updates over what happened leh. . . I wana noe. . .

Peace. . . Shop again. We go over budget again. . . I do not care coz it is not my money lor! Ahakz! Monday Im starting to school again. Ahakz! I do not really care coz Im in a mood for my Hari Raya and my pink outfit!


4 more days peepz. . .

Signin off. .

Ima

Worried.N.Mad

Im abit worried about the upcoming camp that my ncos are planning. I could not found out the latest info about what happened to the proposal that was being submitted. Officer could not be in touch. . . busy preparing for his big day I guess. So, I just got to wait for him to get to his ncos and let the ncos talk and keep me updated.

Tomorrow Im going Geylang with my family. I even told my dad I want new jewelleries. Ahakz! I dont care. How many years already never go and buy or exchange or dont know what it is call.

I just saw the news on some stupid women at a home torturing small kids. WHAT THE FUCK! Sorry peepz. . . My blood was boiling really HIGH when I saw those women actually did all that to those innocent kids. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! How could they! I wish they will be tortured to death by the government. How could they?! Those poor innocent kids are just KIDS! You dont work there IF you cannot endure and tolerate those KIDS attitude. I was so FED UP when I saw that bloody one woman actually pull two kids and BANG both the heads into each other. FUCKER BITCH! You heard me right okie. . . she actually pulled the two kids and BANG them into each other and you should see how she shove away one of the kid after BANGING their headS! BITCHES!

Im mad okie. The thing that sadden me is that it happened in Turkey and I can see that one of them wear TUDUNG! WHAT THE SHIT SIA!?! Im not sounding racist here coz I myself wearing one okie. . . BUT what the heck? Islam do not tell you to treat those kids those ways! The goverment better do something about those ANIMALS. . . man, im so fuming mad coz those images really keep playing in my head when I think about it and the NEWS better stop playing those videos before more people are getting out of hand and cursing and bringing up anger in individuals who are watching it.

Stupid WOMEN.. Should I said .. ANIMALS!

To Fin:here's a good quote from Batman Begins.
"Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."

I always say,if you know the reason behind your failure,if you know why you fall,it will be easier for you to pick yoursef up.

and how could you be in a momentary lapse of depression and never inform me????if u feel that ure depressed,NEVER be alone.but hoo hey...maybe u talked to my daddy hor?haiz...takpelah.

y'all know taufik sing the harmuni jingle right?just heard it on radio.he really should record a simple malay album with songs that are more towards pop.seriously...ok nvm.

so....yeah thats all lah...lazy to write also....

Excited!


Im all excited to berhari raya. The only thing that Im not excited is dat got work on that very first night. BOOOOOO! Again, again Ima. . . BOOOOO! Ahakz! Im all excited right now. Laa dee daa!


Looking forward to go to Yishun and have the family gathering where all my aunties and uncle families come together to visit my grandmother. Im looking forward to the food that will be cooked! Mak Long's cooking is all very delicious. YUMMY! Confirm I will be looking forward to the sambal prawn of HERS! Ahakz!


LET ME ANNOUNCE to all. . . My family clothes theme for the first RAYA is BLACK! Yesh, you got it right. B.L.A.C.K! BLACK! Ahakz! My dad going to buy me another black clothes when we go down to Geylang this coming Saturday as a family. IT is considered pretty late for us liao. Coz usually we will go shopping before fasting month start! So, black outfit. Im eyeing on the black kebaya I saw when I went down the last time with Ira. Confirm duit dad terkopak coz it cost quite a sum.


So, now I am looking forward to walk in the street to see families with colourful clothes on. Together with the songkok and samping/sampeng for the guys and the dressing up for the ladies, to see the cuteness of little ones in their own outfit. I really looking forward to see Afeeq in his own baju kurung and his own songkok! Wahaha! Dat chubby Baby! And also to see my dear little Iqah in her own green baju kurung that she show off to me recently.


I guess Hari Raya festival really means alot to those kids. With the bunga api and duit raya! Me? The next upcoming Raya and it will be my turn to give out duit raya kat budak budak ni semua! EXCITED! Yeshi I am. I am excited to give away money to kids. Keke! I really AM!


Maybe in a few more years time, my kids will join this few bunch of people to collect duit raya too! Ahakz! Imagine eh, ~Mama. . . kakak/abang dpt duit raya. . .~ and that little peep will look up at you and you see that delighted joyful face of theirs?! Keke. . BEST! I want to Ber Hari Raya!


Laa dee Daa. . .


Countin down to 7 more days...

Signin Off. . .

Ima Dah Excited Dah Ni . . . . . .

its Ok

its Ok

Fin.. Failure is a base where you learnt something from it. Without failing at certain point of life, you wont be able to learn anything at all. And this is something that not any teacher can even pass down to you. Coz this is all life based experience where only you yourself is able to understand how it felt even though there might be others going through the same thing as you.

I had failed before. Hamidi had failed before. Raii had failed before. Our case, we were abit too late to wake up but it was a hard slap for all of us. You are not too late yet. You still see the light out there in front of you. Not too late. Nothing is eva too late for anyone at all.

See. . . from there you learnt that you need an equal side of time to study for your subjects. Do not give up and be despair coz it will only tighten you down and wont let you bug from where you are standing to move on to achieve greater heights. You see your friends smiling now. . . You will see yourself in their shoes in the future. Trust me. Some things are just fated that way.

I have been through MANY F/Failures in my life. Till to some extend, I hated it (Like Mathematics) but i still ended up teaching my pri 3 cousin that subject! It is about learning and realising. For me, I understand and manage to accept that Im abit slow in certain things and achieving it due to reasons like I am LAZY and I HATE the subjects. But then, it made me realised also that I must not give up.

Remember Hid when I really mug for my math O LEVEL papers?! Wherever I go near the O Level period, I had my 10 yr series with me and I kept disturbing you to teach me! Haha! For a girl who NEVER passed her maths paper in sec school, not bad you know when I got to know I got a C6! In fact, I was damn proud of it. Even though just passed, but it landed me a place in Singapore Polytechnic.

So Fina, Do not give up. One more year and I will be joining you there. Insya'Allah!

Signin Off. . .

Ima

P.S: Who was our math teacher in sec 4? I cudnt remember coz I hate that subject to the core.

WoKE ME UP WHEN I GOT AN F...

ive just recovered from a very short period of depression. well.. ive been doing badly for my chemistry module. hrm im just thinking what is wrong with me? i mean chemistry is my major! its so important! we went through the test papers just now and all the queations were jc standard questions. i mean they were do-able. ive done them before. and i took it for granted for this test. i kept telling myself that it was easy and that ive done this before. i mean this stuff 's easy man.. OR SO I THOUGHT!! when a 2nd F came flying SMACKED right on my face THEN i realise I WAS WRONG!! for the second time ive failed. i couldnt understand. what did i do wrong in the test? was everything WRONG? of cz it was not until we went thru the paper then i realise that what ive done was completely stupid. my answers were crappy. i tot they were right. (or so i tot) it was stuff i did in jc. Mole concept!! it was MOLE CONCEPT!!! and i got and F for MOLE CONCEPT!!! you guys remember calculating the number of moles of carbon and all that crap? WELL I FORGOT!!! i FORGOT HOW TO CALCULATE CONCENTRATION!!! OMG!! it was really a SMACK on the face for me.. i mean really.. A wake up call..really..i was there in class stonin.. lookin at the happy faces of my classmates. they did well! of cz.. wads so difficult abt mole concept ppl? haiz..ive been so into biology that i neglect my chemistry..i just miss those times when i actualy could answer the chemistry questions.. i mean those times when i was really enthusiastic abt chem.. CHEM FREAK! hahha.. id memorise all the stuff. i cant believe i forgot. i didnt practise. hrmm.. i need to MUG!! NO MORE GYM!! MORE MUG!! just 3 WEEKS!! and i can enjoy! hrm...haiz.. now its making me feel worst. well..take care ppl..dun wait to get an F before u start to realise that you have a problem..

khilFina

Couting Down.


I have started counting down my days to certain things in my life now. Couting down days to go school, to Hari Raya, to my very first pay from BBC, my pay from my tuition job and also counting down days to change my whole entire life routine.

Monday - 1300hrs to 1800hrs


Tuesday - 0800hrs to 1300hrs


Wednesday - NO SCHOOL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


Thursday - 0800hrs to 1300hrs


Friday - 1300hrs t0 1800hrs


Cool? Kinda of. At least, Wednesday is an off day for me. Unless my group want to come back and do the FYP. Im okie with it.


So, now come to work. I will plan a fix schedule then from next week onwards. No more changes. Since school have already started! I am going to work on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday night starting from 5pm. I want to try do kitchen leh? Mcm fun gitu I keep looking at them do the kitchen stuffs. Haha! Crapz. Been doing takeaway counters for 2 days and frm there, I learnt abot baseman job and running dough. In two days leh! Should thanks akak for letting me take the takeaway counter. Haha! Now, riders who knows I can do baseman job always said, Ima key in OR, OL and get me to put their papers into their own drawers. Haha! Run dough yesterday also learn how to make it into bulat bulat and cut into 250g for regular.


Counting down days to Hari Raya! Haha! 9 more days! Kwang Kwang Kwang. I do not feel sad like past few years BUT wait till the part when I have to go meet my grandma. Haiyo. Pain Pain Pain. I do not want to feel sad leh. Coz I duno. Yeah, Miss her. Yesh I do. But who will understand or comfort me? So, I will try for this hari raya. To not feel sad abt anything. And just be happy with the FOOD! Do you guys know whats my favourite food? Sambal goreng, sambal udang and LONTONG! kekekeke! MY FAVOURITE.


Counting down to days to my both pays. I really need it. NO more money oredi left in my pocket. Upset. Luckily now is fasting month, so no point having money around. Usually my money all finished on food. Ahakz. Okie, will update again pretty soon.


About this friday, I do not think I can go down coz I do not know. I will only update you all by thursday okie?.. I know I got something on but I do not wat it is. AND furthermore Geylang ramai ORANG, mana lah koran nak buka ni?. . . .

You & Me - Lifehouse

....What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time....

I CUT MY HAIR...now its short, thin, layered..messier!!!! hahaha...

Fin..

THE WEDDING DATE

super great.i'll definitely watch it again.it's great.if u're like me,if ur taste is like mine,it's great.IT'S FANTASTIC!it was a good laugh,i watched it critically,i LOVED IT!ok i'm either depressed,stressed or deprived to acknowledge a movie like that great - thats what some of you may say.but i say i love it.the hopeless romantic is back!!!

now...if only i can "order" myself a boyfriend...

Bitter Sweet

Bitter Sweet.

Whats with the title? Do not ask me coz I duno. It just came across my mind. Well, Im okie with ur house gerl. But does Ham and Raii mind? Haha! Or will it be awkward for them? Haha! No Comment!

Weekend for next week, count me out coz my dad expect me to be home and cleaning the house since I do not have someone permanent doing it. It is like FIVE DAYS TO HARI RAYA! haha! My home confirm chaotic! Pasang langsir, tukar cushion sofa, change bed sheet and pillow sheet, mopping, cleaning off dust on the ceiling fan and mirrors and more things to wipe. Man. . . but the most drag one is the langsir. That one can take the whole day of mine and the langsir that my late mum did for the house all heavy heavy punya. Aiyoo! Must iron, den my langsir railing got 2-3 for one window. Leh pengsan! But it is nice lah. So effort goes to my mum! Such a brainy when it comes to jahit jahit baju, langsir and cadar! keke. . .

Anyway, Im working 12-5pm next week. SO im free till Friday and Nah, I am working on deepavali Fina, double pay leh! haha! So, u guys go ahead lah. . . :)

Signin Off. . .

Ima

yoz.so next week.i might be busy.no idea but i feel that i'm going to be busy.and here's what i wanted to do that i cannot do on tagboard.lowdown.

---> philo paper due this friday.i haven't start yet.

--->theatre practical need to find the plays then decide on which scene then need to rehearse and memorise script.my group havent meet yet.wth.

--->CNM project due very very soon.because raya coming so our project reaching the climax.the problem is we're facing a lot of problems like need to see the flaws in our project.and we haven't start writing the essay yet.wth.

--->malay studies got new project.tok din last minute then give one.an essay.on modernization.not easy.and i doubt im working with very brilliant people so might need to work my ass off for that.plus i haven do any readings.so might have a probem when it comes to citation.

--->malays of s'pore module.project done.alhamdullillah.for once im glad we took the first presentation slot.or else my life will be in serious chaos.i feel chaotic already.got essay to write.and again,its not easy.and its individual essay.so might have to work my ass off for this one too.

whoa.and this i havent include my need to revise for exams.omg.i'm in serious trouble.and im panicking now.and im freaking out.my life is in chaos.how did i ever get into this position???

at times like this...i wish im back in primary school,doing the simple sums...aceing in maths...

so people im very sorry but i think its time for me to work hard.if y'all wanna go out for supper,perhaps can.but not on tuesday night or wednesday night coz the next day i got an early class.just for makan,maybe i can fit it in somewhere.just lemme know waaaayyy early.oh wait.maybe I'LL be the one who makes the last minute call since that's what i always do.

oh one last thing.about raya.y'all wanna go out?i know fin end exams earlier than me.for me,exams are on the 18,23,28,30 nov and 1 dec.either 15/16/17 will be my theatre practical exam.omg...im freaking out...

Hi!!!!

fina here fina here..you noe everytime i read an entry i always go to the bottom...wondering who wrote it. hahaha... cz if i read without noeing then i'll akways be wondering siape ni..cz hid and ima sometimes sound the same.. then ham and raii sound the same so im like siape la!! hahaha.. ok anyway hmm..ima monday cannot ler..this wk i buka luar or balik lambat many times oredy. cuma blum kene sound je. like i say its time for me to stay at home for a bit... haha.. k here's my plan for next wk k? monday cannot la.. tue maybe quite ok..wed ermm not sure thurs definitely cannot fri cannot oso sat maybe can sun oso can.. erm... iwas thinking maybe we can go geylang together on deepavali? is that too late for y'all? i mean since its only 2 days away. cz im meeting for the first time after so many years my childhood fren!!!! :D so i tot y not kluar skali.. ahahah but i haven actually tol my mum la! so just a tot. oh yar then maybe in dec we al can go ZOO??? i wan to go ZOO!!! oh wait raii is gg in 2 dec!! may late nov? hahhaha... early nov till 25 exam period. aiyo..i rem hid u end 1st dec. hrmm...maybe we go out 1st dec or raii nak kene pack? hahaah.. erm...anything la.. but just for this week maybe i cannot buka luar la.. or if y'all wana cum? BOLE i just have to tell my mum!!! it'll be fun one!!! then we can all go home...hahahaha.. bole bole bole.. save money oso dok! hahahh..ok i gotta go.. my mum asking me go sheng siong wid her.. hahah.. must go must go.. take care y'all..

FINA sweet...

Cant WAIT!

Cant WAIT!

I actually planned to order Mcdonald Delivery with my brother. Getting my first pay frm BBC today. So I said why not treat my brother. My dad is not around. He is at work and frm work he straight away go to Mosque. He also dun really eat fast food. What he always need is rice and lauk pauk. So my brother was pretty eager about it.

Right now, the time is 5.25pm. I cant wait! Cant wait for our food to come by and I hope it is not late like always. I never trusted BUKIT BATOK Mcdonald and PIZZA HUT delivery. They stinks alot. Always late than ever.

I already bought my baju raya. One pink and one golden brown! Keke! U heard me right, I bought a pink baju raya! Haha. . . whatever! I still like it somehow. Im left with shoe and handbag to go shopping about, maybe with Fz I guess. I also not that sure whether he will be free.

Nothing much to updates. I am pretty lazy right now. Selamat berbuka to all. It should be fun if Hammy and Raii has internet at home.

Are we all meeting up again for another iftar? Are we? Can we go to Swensen this time round? I duno. I tink im craving for their fish and chip or the chicken set and their milk shake. hahaha. . . . IM CRAVING but Im not pregnant!. . . What about this coming monday? Or fina cannot make it? OR better, we iftar at her house if she cannot make it. keke. . . or after we buka at our own house, we meet up to have supper or dessert at coffee bean or starbuck? Or even mcdonald lepak and chill with our ice creams and fingerfood? I duno. . . U guys must tell me early early tau. . . coz I have to plan my next week roster..

Signin Off. . .

Ima

here's a quicky because i think i'm kinda latey.i just had a freaking cool tutorial can?ok actually now im kinda distracted coz my stomach just grumbled so loudly and im in the freaking library.argh!!paiseh paiseh.
anyway,cool tutorial.know why?because we had it online!!!woohoo!!!via msn.so everyone must have msn.then we discuss online.we have different roles to play.know whats mine?damn i love it.BUSINESS ANALYST.alamak macam power gitu eh?haha!so it was fun coz we had to discuss on a certain situation and we're not allowed to meet in person.it's called the virtual office.cool man!!!all i had to do was stare at the com from just now.so im kinda slacking lah coz im not doing work.i was excited for the thing.so anyway,what can i say...it was fun!!!
oh wait.i said we cun meet offline right?so i haven't seen nurul the whole day!so i've been alone since just now.but thats ok.
ok other than that....oh here's an info.nurul's name and my name has the same meaning!!!!omg.i told her and she found it hard to believe.
omg my stomach seriously grumbling sia.i didnt eat sahur today coz i fell aslp at 3 am coz i did my review.then i of course didnt set alarm and didnt wake up for philo class but ive decided not to go anyway.i'll watch webcast.woohoo.it's not that bad.
ok i think i have to go,crap right?but one last hour and i can go home!!!!!!
like...the only day that i break fast at home.ok ciao ppl.

bingit seh.. k for your info i just came back from the gym!! well to ass my cousin and to also keep myself fit oso...wad the hell!!! got a scolding from my mum! not scolding la.. she was tellin me that my dad say jgn terpengaruh asngat! CMON LA.. im 19 kalau dah nak terpengaruh lagi dulu dulu dah terpengaruh... jalan sikit salah.. enjoy sikit salah!!! nak kene duduk rumah je!!!!! blajar je!!!!!! tak boleh buat bende lain!!!! i worked my ass off to be where i am today and this is wad i get???????!!!!! cant i get a lil more freedom? a lil more trust??? im so pissed.. pissed pissed... pissed...pisseed... i just am so jealous of ppl like my cousins who receive more freedom than i do. ... wadever....im just pissed...

Fina

HOORAY FOUR!!

hoorAY not because i passed anything but because MY PRESENTATION IS OVER!!! hahahah.. Congrats to Ima, Raii and Ham for passing your examination. i was smilling all the way when i waS reading the entries and the tagboard. ahahaha.. congrats really!! now its hid and my turn to study for exams and be happy like y'all wen we get our results. hahhaha..go enjoy ppl!!! hahhaha... ok so wad else? erm...oh ya raii you've graduated!! thats just so cool. no school for you! BUT NS!! thats fun too!!! i mean i wish i was a guy so i can run run run and get muscles and look really strong!!! hahhha.. so go tekong and have fun!! i really think ns is fun but then again i woudden noe rite? skali they torture like wad...kesian seh! hahha.. but dun worry sure the brotherhood part you'll be looking forward to. dat doesnt sound rite but you noe wad i mean la!! hahah.. well hrm.. oh guess wad? i'll be going to Bukit Timah Nature Reserves and Raffles Museum (at NUS i think) hahaha!!! bio is so excting. which reminds me the riddle or question 'what is middlesex?'is it the sex between girl and guy ie gay? i duno thats just my guess.. hahaha..

hrm..guess wad? my mum's cooking BAKED BEANS!!! I LOVE BAKED BEANS!!!! yeah thats for buka puasa later... yeah yeah HOORAY FOR TT TOO!! ok then.. well she finish cooking the main dishes oredy that's y i wanted to wirte to you guys! ok deh... i guess thats it! ima i think the webcan thing is making me feel rather uncomfortable!! hahahhaahha you wudden noe how i feel.. hahahhahahaha i mean really. y dun we all get a webcam then can see each other. but then again we're living in singapore la its not like we cannot ever see each other you know! hahhahhhaha but still itd be fun!! lalalal..thats it for now!

n hid, if you're angry BE ANGRY... dont be like me.. i keep from ppl then wen i blow up its really ugly! u dun wan that. its better to have small explosions rather than a big one. especially if its on someone innocent. but i duno la after i graduated from yj, i think ive learnt alot. in terms of patience, handling emotions especially anger. im more patient now very patient in fact... i just adopt a forgive and forget mindset. i mean i really forget. but of cz certain things or certain things ppl say or do to me i cannot forget. cz they're just painful words. sometimes i wana forget but i cant. n sometimes if i dun forget... i dun forgive either. but makes me wonder.. why they say or do this to me? is it me? omg, im going overboard. i shant say anything more... well if you're angry, let the person noe. you can even say it nicely. 'you piss me off' ahhahahaah.. i mean not in an angry tone la.. yar! but hid you noe me.. if im angry im quiet. but now i rarely get angry.. its a waste of my energy. rather be happy! HAHAHHAHHA!! SMILE MORE!! But not so much.. hahaha nnanti ppl think you crazy..

ok deh i shall stop rambling.. hahhaha take care ppl!

Love
Fina...

Hoorah!

3RD HOOORAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!

by hamidi

I passed tooo!!!!!!!

it's so great a feeling!!!!

WAHAHHAAHAH!!!!

IM SO HAPPY!!!!! IM SO GLAD!!!!!

feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest!! i got past my 2nd year n now im into my 3rd yeaR!!! finally! i can actually stat my final year projects!!! but im doing it with strangers...not my usual classmates..cos they started last sem..(when i reapeated...)

But who cares!!! I PASSED!!! IM moving ON peeple!!!!! YAHHOO!!!

yay! =)

So how did i fare for my semestrals...ladies n gents n all u orange peeple...take a look

_____________________________________________

Technopreneurship ----> "B"

Broadband Communications ----> "D+" (oh well...)

Wireless Applications Technology (this is my JAVA!) ---> "D+" (it's orite)

Mathematics . . . . . . . . . . D

Communcation Skills for Work ---> "B+!!" (so cool!)

_____________________________________________

so basically like that lor...the subject i failed got a stinking D! the lowest of all my results!! urgh! least it's done and over with...it sucks to repeat..even more to get ur results... cos u see eh... the first time u got to know of a failure thru ur results, the following semester results you'd feel nervous and shaky u juz un noe wat to expect!

will i pass? will i fail again?

wat if my other subjects fail?

why not? it's happened b4..

so now that i noe my results, im SCREAMING WITH JOY!!!!

ok lah that's the it..

im done..

hmm..one thing to ask u all..kinda a riddle of sorts..

but maybe u guys'd know..(maybe the bio students...)

haha! but's it's a stupid riddle lah..ok?

ready?

ok...

**~~What is "middlesex"?~~**

ok im done..till next time...

bye..

2ND HOORAY!!!

Yay! I passed all my subjects too! Not too good but what the heck.

It means...

THAT I'VE GRADUATED FROM POLY!

HIP HIP HURRAY!

But when you think about it...

I'm gonna be separated from my friends...

That sucks...

Well anyway,

my results are as follows.

Simulation=B+

Quality Engineering & Management=C

Human Factors & Error Management=C+

Aerospace Materials=D

Not too good eh? Cukup makan aje.

BUT I'M STILL HAPPY!

Imagine me having to repeat 1 semester just because I failed 1 subject. And I just have to take 1 subject in that semester. Hahaha... Can't imagine.

Anyway, decide where to go lah. I anywhere can.

As for describing how I felt during the pox, well... Some other time lah.

That's all for today.

Yours Truly,

Raii

hooooorrrrrrraaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!

HOOORRRAAAYYYYYYYY! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

And I PASSED all my examinations!

Grades arent convincing but what the heck, I PASSED!

Here are my results peepz:

Tecnical and Business Communication (B+)

Web Service Developement (C)

Mobile Games And Edutainment Programming (C)

Ethics And Law Of IT (C)

Data Structures And Algorithms (D+)

Im so happy people. I am starting school this coming 31/10/2005. Haha!

Now that IM LOOKIN forward to start school.

Man, im so freakin happy. . . Happy . . . HAPPY!

Laaaa Deeeeee Daaaaaaa

I wonder how Ham and Raii did for theirs.

Now baru leh betul celebrate. . . Haha. . . Im so HAPPY!

Now, I can focus very at peace with my final year project. Haha. .

Been waitin for that moment to struggle into the FINAL DAMN PROJECT!

I already sat for my LAST EXAM PAPER and I PASSED!

~Chuckling~

Now people, IM GOOD! keke. . . . haha, just ignore me!

Im talking rubbish!

Signin Off. . .

Ima E CrazY One!

Blueark. . . :p

Heh...
You know..?
When you think about it...
When I'm around, Ima's not there.
When Ima's around, I'm not there.
What the hey?
Hahaha...

hahahahahaha. . . I was laughin when I read this one.

Kinda of true with what he has said.

We not fated to meet lah Raii. . .

kekekekekeke. . .

Anyway, tml is OUR Exams results!

Ima. .Ham. .Raii

. . . ALL THE BEST TO ALL OF US. . .

Do inform me about it in orange whether pass or not hor.

I will be at my desktop at 8.30am sharp tomolo to see my results.

Pretty scared about it somehow.

Please pass all my examinations!

MY PRESENTATION'S OVER!!!!! well at least the more stressful one...

IM SO HAPPY!!!! Like before there's this huge weight on my shoulder..now im like feeling much much lighter. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... i can see the joy in everyone's faces when it was all over. you know what hid? it was as nervous as our PW in JC. OMG!!! ITS OVER.. But guess what i realised? its fun to be up on the podium and say something. k k let me start from the begining. firstly, my whole group was dressed SUPER FORMAL!!! hahaha.. but for me it wasnt like tt time interview rem hid? i was still quite formal! the whole group was formal. the rest of the classs were rather casual with jeans and normal clothes so we kinda got more marks on the dressing wise. hhahaha... well thanks to my poly members who said that we must wear formal. ahhaha... well i was like panicking la cz in the morning i woke up at 730 then i have not figured out wad to wear so cz the nite before i was bz with my speech at the same time had to study for test! test was horrible so i dun wan to say anything abt tt. well then i was like duno wad to wear. cz i reallly didnt have anything in mind. but i noe i'm goona wear a black skirt. haha.. thats it the top i was like duno... then in the end my whole bed was in a mess cz i took out everything that i could possibly wear! BUT NONE WAS NICE TO ME!!! so it was oredy 8 by then.. panic like wad..so i gave up wore smth else and left by 820. hahah.. lucky i made it on time for my test at 930. then presentation was at abt 1pm. ya when it was my turn rite, i stand behind the stage..not really stage la its behind the computer so i can click and talk at the same time! that time i really felt like a lecturer. so i was like slightly confident la.. but then the LT was so cold i was shaking ar.. i guess i did a very good conclusion. i was very confident abt that part. Oh for your info we used laser pointers!!! hahaha HOW COOL IS THAT!!! so power mawer!!! i would definitly say that my presentation went very well... hhahaha tml got one more but that one aiya.. not that stressful cz my prof RAWKS!! he exerts no pressure on us one! ahaahah... anayway we have a SOLID ppt presentation done so im quite happy abt tt!!

RAQIIB YOU'RE BACK!!!!! Glad to hear that you're well... good thing you didnt come la at least we're not infected. hahaha.. I NOE HAM SAID HE WANTED HID AND ME TO GET IT!!!! im sure we both would love to get it, i mean 2 wks of holiday would be fun!! BUT THEN we're in a very crucial period of the semester so we dun wan to be sick now. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR NOT LISTENING TO HAM and stay at home and fully recover! haahhaha... ok we make another plan to go out k? hey i can negotiate with my mum lor! so she can let me out.. you know u take a lil and you give a lil.. so balance hahah its ok if yo dun no wad im talking abt! i mean i go out with y'all but when my parents or my mum ask me out.. i make sure i follow lor! hahah.. ok i'll be quite ok la.. not too free not too busy oso...!!! try not to make tue and wed nite, sat and sun morn to abt 3. k? other than tt im quite free. haha... ok raii! take good care now! you dun want to be getting it for the second time! i'd really love it if you could describe your experience having POXies.. hahaha.. i mean tak pernah dapat kan.. so yar.ok lor that's all. dah pukul brape ni! hahah.. help mum help mum...nanti nag!!

K bye DUdEss...!!! Fina mina...(Not Minah!!!)

What am I doing here???

K i have to make this a fast one coz im in lecture. Once again the lecture is quite boring and thus im not paying attention.Haha!No lah.I read Raii's entry.

Thanks Raii. but really if u come i would have shooed u away. HAHA! coz having been sick for a while there myself (the girls would have known how stubborn i was) i know u really need a lot of rest if u want to get well fast.

okok...so...outing...hmm...not sure if i can make it.i think i can.but y'all must book me quickly.coz im quite busy.maybe just for one day in the whole week i can go out.buutt...i think someone cannot go out right?good enough her mother let her out on my bdae sia.ok...im digressing.and my friend just asked me a question i dun freaking know.

ok...nothing else much to say...should pay attn already.quite interesting...lalala...

k...byez...

I'M BACK!

Hello to all! I'm fine once again after 2 weeks of being cooped up at home! And it feels good to be alive! Hahaha... It has been a test for my endurance, and I guess I passed! Never went out to pass the disease, never 'batal' my puasa, etc etc... Come to think of it, this disease started right after we started when the puasa month started! So this must really have been a test for me.

So... Ok. First things first.

I'M SOOOO SORRY!

I was the one who wanted us to go out, but in the end I'm the one who didn't go! This must have been fated I guess... Actually I could have gone that day, but I just recovered, and my sis said during the recovering period the risk of infecting other people get higher due to the spots bursting forth and spreading the virus all over the air etc etc... So I rather not. Plus I looked terrible!

Anyway Fina, or Fyna, guess what Ham said. He told me to go and spread it to you coz you never got it before right? Said I'm doing you a favour coz it's better to get it now than later. I said NO! You want your girlfriend to have chicken pox for Hari Raya?! You MAD?! You'll be the one crying coz you can't go out with her! So that's the story. Therefore I apologise for my absence that day...

One more thing.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY HID!

Uhh...

Sorry...

I haven't wished you yet, so here I am doing it now!

Umm...

How long has it been?

One week?

It was last wed right?

Let's see...

One... Two... Three...

Four... Five...

Six!

Yeah!

It's been six days since your birthday!

I really hoped you enjoyed yourself on your outing that day!

Well I got you something.

But I'm thinking.

How the heck should I pass it to you?

Good question eh?

Well I was also thinking...

Well...

About what I should have gotten!

I'm thinking, what would you like...

Hmm...

Actually I have no idea what you would like.

Hahaha!

Anyway...

I haven't seen Ham posting these days...

Wonder what happened to him eh?

Hmm...

DEC 2ND IS COMING SOON!

I really have to start panicking soon...

Now that I'm better,

LET'S DO ANOTHER OUTING!

Shopping in Geylang anyone?

Heh...

You know..?

When you think about it...

When I'm around, Ima's not there.

When Ima's around, I'm not there.

What the hey?

Hahaha...

Till next time.

Yours Truly,

Raii

...I wish You Knew

What is it that I want to blog about? My internet connection really sink today! No connection frm dont know what time till what time seh. Maddening. Lets talk abt myself.

I was once a VERY VERY Happy gerl till I reached aged the 14. When my mummy leave me in this world as the only girl in the family. Its not that my daddy dont do well in bringing us up but we dont feel the practical of LOVE anymore. I miss my mum. Touching my head, my shoulder, my hand, my forehead when im sick. Im all alone till now.

I dont understand man you see. They said they love you but how? Through the things they bought for us? Through the scoldings and nagging? Man. . . . Daddy, if only you are reading this, I guess u must have tot that I dun appreciate whatever you had done all this time. But I do. Just that I guess its different and im still comparing your love and mummy love. Mummy looked after me since baby. I dont have that much memories with you as much as with mummy.

I spent 90% of my time with mummy more than you. I only remember those special memories that gave me a special kind of feeling that I nbr felt before. When I held your back when you were praying and treat you like kinda of a fun fair machine when you move up and down. And I get whacked by mummy bcoz of disturbing you praying but it was nice. I LIKE! Those memories when you piggy back me up the stairs after every outing to reach to our flat. Or when you carried me in your right arm and bro on your left arm and zoooommm. . . up the stairs. We both always think you are ONE STRONG DADDY!

We love you . . . u noe~ But somehow, these 5 yrs when you took charge of everything and when mummy leave me and bro alone. We felt really empty. If you thought we were able to move on, we couldnt. Only GOD knows the emptiness in us. I can see it in my brother eyes and vice versa. We still need our mummy eventhough we are 19 yrs old and 17 yrs old respectively.

I remembered you quit your job during mummy last moments in life. You wanted to take care of her and be by her side till her last breathe. And you did it. Im proud of you daddy! You were strong. Down there im bawling my eyes out beside mummy who no longer is alive, and down there you arranged everything for her to be `discharge`.

The white curtain around her hospital bed were pulled to close. I remembered going into the small cosy white place. Just the bed, mummy with a bedsheet over her body and me and the white curtain covering us away from the world. Nothing but me and her. I went over to her. I pulled the bedsheet down and I see mummy face. The closed eyes, the sleeping face. And at that time she has no hair at all, only a bit. Due to all those awful medicines. I ran my hand over her head for the last time and I wasnt crying for a moment.

I was looking at her for the last time properly and every inch of her face to be kept in my heart coz I know that will be my last time with her ALONE. That few seconds of alone and with her. I was strong. I just want to share that moment with her. That only moment. After I ran my hand over her head for the last time, I bended down and kiss her forehead for the last time. That last kiss. When I turned around, I saw daddy. He held my shoulder and told me to let her go. I did daddy. I dun want her to suffer anymore from that cancer sickness. IT was really horrible.

Everytime she coughed at home and made her breathless, I got so panicky. You didnt know dat daddy. You were working and I was all the time taking care of her. I still want her to get well but GOD love her even more than me. This is my fate. I only got like 14 yrs to spend with her and my bro, lesser. She was a strong mummy.

At time when I was small, I did asked my daddy why mummy wont talk to me when I am talking to her. She will lie in bed and just shut herself out from the world, from her children and everything. Daddy told me she was very sick at those time. But I just dont want to understand. I tot mummy dunwan me anymore and hate me and is mad at me. But she was one strong mummy. She fought her disease the first time, the second time but the third time she let it go. I can see she dunwan to fight it anymore. She is tired. She wants a long rest from everything. Especially her sickness. I took care of her as much as I could eventhough I was only a kid.

I keep track of her medicine. A home nurse taught me how to do it. She made me write in this little notebook that she gave me so she will check on her home visit everytime and she made me felt good and I always see my mummy smile at me when the nurse praise me.

I told myself I wana make mummy really happy this time round. I wana give mummy the exam result that she could show off to her friends and families. So I study really hard for my PSLE. She motivate me and sit with me throughout the time I studying. And when the result was out, I cudnt wait to rush home and show to my mummy. She was talking to her sis, mak long at that time when I almost had a sprained due to too excited to run home to show her my very good result. I got one distinction, one A and 2 Bs.

I was too happy. I screamed at the door when I reached. I hug mummy really tite and show her my result. She was very happy. She told her sis and then I cudnt rmbr what she did. But all I know she was very happy to see my result. It was a big present for her.

She was really sick by the time I was about to step to sec school. But she still wake up in the morning, made me breakfast and sew my uniform when I said it was too big and long. She packed my bag and told me to have a good time at school and come home straight. And I did just that everyday. I was happy that I managed to make her happy. But all the good things doesnt last.

She just got more sick and more sick and I cudnt understand why the doctor couldnt cure her anymore. By then, I heard that the cancer has spread to her brain. I was really sad. Coz that is the point of time I saw my mummy gave up on getting well. She get more sick and more sick. She was admitted in and out of hospital duno how many time and due to that daddy quit his job.

Daddy want to take care of her. Daddy said, he can always find other job any time eventhough the job cost him his salary of $1,800 to go off. He said he can find other job after mummy get well. I said okie. But mummy never get well. She left me and the rest in this world to live on.

She left me, the only gerl, her only daughter alone in this world to face through every challenges as any teenage gerl has to go through. When I was really moody due to my PMS or when I am really sad and my daddy couldnt do anything abt it, I wanted mummy badly. But she never came. She did came in my dream a few time but recently she didnt come anymore. What happened mummy? I want to see you. . . even if its only in my dream. I really miss you mummy. I want to see you. Daddy thought I was throwing tantrums. But if only he understand.

He took care of me and brother for the next one yr after mummy passed away. Mummy passed away in January, the new yr starts and hari raya was juz around the corner. She left when hari raya was coming. You know how excited hari raya can bring us. But she still left me. I cried on the eve of hari raya with my brother. I want mummy! Starting from then, on morning of hari raya, I am alone at home while my daddy bring my bro to the mosque to pray and im alone at home.

I cried so much. . . usually on the morning of hari raya, my mummy will chase me around the house to put on the jewelleries and dress up and sit with me to watch the tv while waiting for daddy and bro to come home. But then, things changed ever since she is gone. I cried alone and I didnt watch tv. I dunwan to wear jewelleries anymore. Coz it stinks. It reminded me of mummy. I dun like. I told daddy to put it away. I dunwan to wear any of it.

And ever since den, the next 5 yrs, I didnt wear any jewelleries for any occasion except for that silver ring that I got with my dear fz. When he found that his children managed to get a grip, settle down in school and the new routine of no mummy around, being home alone when return home, he went out to seek for a job.

He is getting old. I felt the empathy in me for him. He said he want to find a job nearby so if anything he can rushed home. And he got it, God listened to him, he landed himself a job at YISS. The pay stinks. But we all managed to change to that kind of lifestyle of simplicity. And im thankful daddy for taking care of us and not getting married till now. I duno why but there are times I want you to get married, find yourself a new partner in life and that one person who will take care of you in your golden years.

But at the same time, I dunwan you to get married and move on in your life as if you never had mummy before. I hate it. I always wanted mummy. I want you to be that loyal lover who only love mummy alone and no other woman. But as I grew older and my maturity widens out, I felt I need to understand him if he ever find someone else to be with him along his life. Mummy . . . I miss you.

And in this world, if there is one thing or time GOD will ask me what I have always wanted and HE will grant it for that one time, I would want you back. Back into our life. I want to give you more happiness. To let you witness my wedding moments, the moments when I will give you grandchildren and give you the feeling of being a grandma. But you never get to feel all this or even watch all this, I felt really sorry abt this whole thing. I really want a mummy to be there on such special occasion. Or that mummy who will take care of me after I gave birth or when im sick.

And mummy, daddy is getting old. I am scared of losing him too. He is not much like you but he has done his real best for us. I want him go through what you were not able to went through. Those special moments. . . He has been complaining that he is sick and been to NUH here and there but didnt know what the real thing that is bothering his body system. I am scared too at time and I cudnt share it with anyone close enough with me. I wanted you . . . AGAIN! And I also know I cudnt get you BACK!

The feeling really is bad without a mummy around. And u know I cried during some nites when I feel really down or PMSING. Cry myself to sleep. I seek the understand of some people but they just said dey cudnt coz they have yet to go thru it. I really envy those family that is complete. I am aso mad at time when I heard people not appreciating their mummy and daddy when they are still alive. I hope they wont regret like me. I am sad for those who made their mummy or daddy sad. I dun understand but nvm. Who will help me understand now? No one. . . I miss you mummy. . .

And to my daddy, my thank you to you for loving and taking care of me to where I am standing now. And those who still has both parents, take care of them and at least said thank you to them one of these days when you are with them alone. Coz one regret I never ever get over was to thank you my mummy for being strong for me and taking care of me till I have grown big and she go off. I regret not being able to do that and I felt dumb till now everytime I think abt it.

I hope mummy understand what im thinking at that point of time. I wanted her to stay, not leave me. So many things to share and do with her. But she has to go. . . .There are time I wonder how close we can both be IF you still with me now. But no point wondering at all, coz it will never ever happen no matter how hard I try.

I LOVE YOU . . . Mummy!

I wish You Knew. . .

:'(